A moment of pure bliss

This morning was cold and rainy. It is never easy to get out of the house with two little ones, but mornings like this seem even harder. We managed to do it though and headed into town to the day care drop-off. A few minutes before we arrived, I looked in the rear view mirror to check on the girls. What I witnessed was just about the most fulfilling moment of motherhood I could ever imagine! Cora was leaning over smiling at Louise and tickling her. Louise was smiling up at Cora and trying to pull her coat, or hair, or whatever she could get her hands on. It was so wonderful because they were truly enjoying each other and demonstrating how much they already love each other. It was so nice!

I know there will be many mornings ahead when they aren't speaking to each other or are fighting over some minutia of life... but I'll always have this morning's moment to remember. I'm a lucky mommy!

Therapy?

Not for the first time in my life, I am wondering if I should start seeing a therapist. I (logically) know that I can't control everything, but it is harder to put that into practice. And especially now, I find so many things weighing on me that I sometimes feel unable to cope. There is (of course) Tony's diagnosis and the ways that is changing our lives... I really try not to think about what the future will bring, mainly because I don't want to dwell on it. However, I still have my moments!

But, there are so many other aspects to our busy lives as well. Taking care of two small kids, a job that is very demanding and negotiating everything else as well... how much longer will Tony work, when can we go to have a little time away, how can we include our families as much as possible while still having time for just the four of us, when will I go grocery shopping, blah blah blah... it never ends! I know I am certainly not alone in this feeling of being overwhelmed. It is something that nearly all adults go through, probably especially mommies.

So I went down to talk to the guidance counselor that I work with. And he was a huge help! He actually didn't recommend therapy, just a bitch session with my friends. I think he is right, but I admit that I don't want to have a massive breakdown with my friends. However, I think that makes me a crazy person... we have had so many people offer to help and so many people specifically tell me that they are happy to listen anytime. I have been urging Tony to make some changes in his life in order to accommodate the changes in his body. I guess I just need to listen to my own advice! I can't control everything and I can't do this alone... so WATCH OUT FRIENDS... meltdown Amanda might be visiting you soon! ;)

The Conway Cup

This past weekend saw the inaugural playing of the Conway Cup. It was an amazing success! I cannot say thank you enough to all the people who help organized it, showed up to help on the day, played, bought food and tshirts, sent positive thoughts our way...

There were definitely several times on Saturday that I stopped and thought, "we did this." And even more special is that it was done for us. There were people who came from all over, even as far as Hawaii. Tony had an absolutely wonderful day, and that made me happier than I can say. I only wish I could have been with him more throughout the day to meet and greet all his visitors!

Thanks again to everyone. You are all in our hearts.

We made the paper!

Apparently my husband is "popular".... that's hardly news to me, but I could have thought of lots of great adjectives for him!

http://www.thenews-gazette.com/full.php?sid=24091

10 years ago...

Ten years ago today, Valentine's Day, my boyfriend took me to my favorite restaurant to eat. He spent most of the evening not talking to me and looking distracted. I was convinced he was going to break up with me, so I figured I might as well get as much as I could out of the meal! However, when we got home, he got down on two knees and offered me the ring from a bubble gum machine. We had already discussed getting engaged, and I told him I didn't care what kind of ring I got. He then pulled out a beautiful gold celtic knot ring and asked me to marry him. I did said "yes," but then promptly called him "a f**ker" because I had been convinced he was going to dump me...

I think I am unbelievably unlucky that this man chose me. We have had 10 great years... and I can't wait to go home and see him tonight!

New Diet

This week, we started a new diet. It is basically an anti-inflammation diet. There is not a lot of research to support this with ALS, but it is worth a shot. We are going to try it for a few months and if he doesn't notice any difference, then try something else.  Tony said Day 1 went well and the veggie curry we had last night was super yummy. When I told him we would eat a lot of Indian food since the diet includes lots of garlic, ginger and turmeric, Tony was easily convinced!

I will freely admit that I hope that this helps to slow down things, but I know it will not be a magic cure. However, it does feel great to be able to do something... part of my frustration with this is that there is nothing we can do... just watch it get worse. And that sucks (not really an appropriate word) more than I can say!

So here's hoping the Indian food works!

7th period

I was just whining about my 7th period the other day. They are a challenging group of students, but they are good kids too. Today, 4 students from my 7th period and 1 from my 1st showed up with 3 loads of wood for us.

I don't really even know what to say! I guess it just reaffirms my thought that while my job can be really hard, I love it. I get to meet an amazing bunch of people every year! A huge thank you to Hunter Higgins, Kyle Manspile, Andrew Vest, Payden Goodbar and Tori Nuckols. You guys are awesome and I am so proud to be your teacher!

Another day

I just finished my 7th period class. I have never had a more challenging group of students. None of them are bad kids, but only a handful are interested in learning US History the last period of the day. They are chatty and sociable and way more interested in things with wheels than dead people and things that happened 100 years ago. On a day like today, I feel like I have been literally wrestling the information into their brains. Tired!

Overwhelming...

At the (nearly) end of the week, I find myself thinking about all that has happened in the last few days. We had an amazing trip to Georgia, my cute husband (with cameo by me) made the local news, and we were approached with another fundraising opportunity for our family. If you do not already know, I am a teacher at Rockbridge County High School. Yesterday, one of Mrs Sherman's leadership classes approached me about making our family the beneficiary of their yearly fund raiser. They sell lunches at school, and are hoping to expand to W&L this year as well. They were full of ideas about decorations, messages about ALS and other ways to raise funds. It was so amazing to see these students work so selflessly, and even more amazing because they are doing it for my family. Tony has said this before, but we have been so overwhelmed by the things people have done for us. I feel so lucky to have such wonderful support.

But that of course brings me back to the reason behind all this. My husband is an amazing guy and he deserves the opportunity to do amazing things. We once watched a video made by Scottish comedian Billy Connolly where he traveled around New Zealand doing comedy shows and showcasing the sites and scenes of the country. At the time, I remember thinking that my biggest wish for Tony is that he could have a job like that someday. That he would be able to travel around doing something he really loves and be able to make a living at the same time. And I realize that that has almost come true. He is getting to do amazing things, and he is getting a lot of attention while doing it. I only wish it was just because he is an awesome guy... not because he has ALS. Either way, I am so glad he is getting to do these things... and so glad that I get to go along for some of them!

Ft Benning

We had the most amazing experience at Ft Benning. I will leave the telling of the details to Tony, but I have never had such an amazing trip! We really were treated like VIPs from start to finish and every single person we met was incredible. The whole time I was thinking… “do they not know that I am a nobody? I definitely don’t deserve all this!” I never voiced that though… it would have been like pinching myself in a dream! We could never say thank you enough- from Ben Freakley who got it started, to his father, General Freakley, to Colonel Dougherty, to Sergeant Major Mitchell, to Theresa Oliver in Protocol, down to the private who read the certificates we were given. It was all completely overwhelming. Thank you so much.
At the end of the night Thursday, I thanked Tony for bringing me with him. It was a great trip. But I also told him I would happily give it all back for just a lifetime of nights on the couch and no ALS.

Try try again...

I tried this once before and gave up. I didn’t feel like I had anything interesting to say… I am still not sure that I do, but part of Tony’s goal is to share his experiences. I am lucky enough to be part of those experiences, so I am going to try again…